October 24, 2009

A day in the life

I've been remiss in something. 

I haven't really talked about my life. What it's like to be me. What I do every day. What I eat, where I sleep, you know, just life in general.

I wake up most days on a couch. I can't sleep in the bed because it's full of my children and the shrew. I call her that because she is usually very upset with me and argumentative because I don't have a job. I'm not a bum, but it's been almost a year since I've had one, so it's understandable she's a bit pissed off.

But I digress. I sleep on a couch because we live with my mother in law and her husband. We've lived with them for 2 years now, because I lost a job I had back then to a layoff, and we had to move in with them or be on the street. I got another job soon after, but then I got laid off from that job too, and have not had one since. I work on computers, I have an associate's degree in network administration, but there are no jobs in this town working on computers. So, I apply for any job I can get. I go out after I take the kids to school, my three girls, and my niece and nephew that also live with us. I used to go to the career center and check out what jobs they had a couple of times a month. Real effort there huh? Well I figured out that I wasn't going to get a job that way, so I started recently going out and just picking up applications from anywhere and everywhere, filling them out, and turning them in. No calls yet, but at least now I feel like I'm making a better effort.

I don't eat very well, but it's not because there isn't food to eat. It's my selection of what I want that is what's bad. Chocolate chip cookies, plain cake donuts, Drumstick ice cream cones, those little resealable bags of cookies that you can get in several varieties, you get the idea. It's amazing that I haven't gained a bunch of weight considering that most of my day consists of either sitting in a car driving, or sitting here on this couch with my laptop playing around on facebook, or reading blogs, or searching for whatever. As a matter of fact, I've actually LOST weight. But that's pretty normal for me, all my life junk food has made me lose weight, while the healthy foods make me gain. And no, you don't wish you were like that, because once you know this, and eat junk food knowing you won't gain, you find you are starving to death without looking like it. It sucks. The human body requires vitamins and minerals to survive, and too much of a junk food diet means these vital components are not being absorbed, making one feel hungry. I'm hungry a lot, but not being "fed".

I really don't do much else with my day. I sit a lot, I do housework here and there, but not much else happens. I go pick the kids up, sit here some more, and then if no one else has done it, I make them dinner. After that, I sit here again. Of course the shrew, when she's not at work, is usually doing everything in her power to get me off of the computer. Again, can't say I blame her, 16 hours a day is just too much. It's not that I don't want to help around the house, or that I'm lazy, I just always seem to have something else I want to do online, and there never seems to be enough time for all of it to get done.

I fix stuff a lot too. Anytime something doesn't work, they come to me. This mp3 player doesn't play through the headphones. I can't get the computer to go to this page. I broke the broom off the handle. This car window won't go up.  You name it, I fix it. I should probably start a business. If I wanted to do it for a living. I fix cars, and computers. The other stuff, it's just necessity. Who else is gonna do it?

So, my day is pretty boring actually. But every day I keep noticing stuff. I read a lot online, books seem to have gone by the wayside, but I read about how to see, how to listen, how to connect with the earth. Being a new pagan and for now being totally in the broom closet, I have worked solely on self improvement, and developing my perceptions and awareness of the universe and its energies. Part of it is also because of no cash flow, but that will come in due time. 

I go to sleep on this couch after meditating for a few minutes, and wake up the next day to start all over again. My life isn't really all that much fun, but it's not bad either. I've started recently to get up more and be active, and get away, it's a weird thing to wake up one day and realize you missed summer and it's fall now.

Tomorrow, well today, is Saturday, no school for the kids, more work for me, but it's ok, things are moving along, I am learning, growing, and soon, I'll be working.


Lyon said...

Rayden, I know that we have only just met and as such really don't know each other, but I really felt like I needed to comment here. My heart goes out to you. I've been in similar spots to where you are now. Huddling through the day, doing what you can to get through, the computer becoming a major outlet for connection with the world. And yes, one day - you wake up and realize holy crap, where did all this time go?...that's a hard thing to realize. Life keeps on moving even if you don't, and so do the people around you. Hang in there. I wish you the blessings that you need in order to get back into your skin again.