The call, or the pull

I've been getting a call lately, a pull if you will. I feel like there's a job in my very near future. I've put in the applications, but it's not that. No one has called, no pun intended. No, the "call" I am getting is the feeling like it's time I started my own business, one doing what I love the most, fixing laptops. I can potentially make a crapload of money with that, once I build up a clientele.

I will still need to have a regular job until that happens, but I think eventually that is going to be the only job I will have. I know I'm just talking sheer speculation here, but it's just this feeling I have. It could end up totally different than that of course.

My posts lately have been very unRaydenlike. They are that way by design. I feel different. As is inevitable in life, changes happen. I can't tell you why, and to me, it's a good change. There has always been too much unbridled emotion in my life, too much fear, being afraid of how I am received. Rest assured, at my core, I am still the same person, but those feelings no longer rule my life, I am not nearly as afraid.

I started this blog with the intention of "bringing the house down" in one aspect, and to chronicle my development mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in another. One part of me wanted this blog to be entertaining, or interesting, so much so that people would be on the edge of their seats waiting for the next post. That is one of the major changes that have occurred in the time I have written here. I no longer have much of a concern for writing something that I think people will go "gaga" over. Now I feel better just writing what I think on any given day, interesting, fascinating, dull and boring, whatever. I am fortunate at this point to say that there are 43 people who at the very least have a passing interest in what I have to say, and for that, I would like to say that I'm grateful. It helps to know that someone is listening.

The other part of why I started this blog is the one that intrigues me the most however. I started writing down my thoughts here in late July, and now it is late November. It hasn't been a cut and dry "step by step" process, but there has definitely been change. I'm happy about it, I have a clearer sense of self; for this has really been a journey of self discovery, one that is still ongoing. A learning process if you will. I love to learn.

I made a decision. I decided to write what I thought, not so much what I feel. This is the result. Oh, the feelings are still there, but I threw a tarp over them and bungee corded it down real tight, to keep them a little more in control. There are more changes in the air, but you know, there is ALWAYS change in the air. That's not profound, or dramatic, it's just a fact. Sure, I can "feel" if there is a major change coming, but in all actuality, the feeling is there all the time. So it's not something I should see as profound, at least not EVERY time. Or maybe I should focus on the change itself, not the fact that there is a "big spooky change coming!" Whoooooooo!

It's funny how life is so much better, and yet nothing in my mundane world has changed at all. Attitude is everything. I still post about my feelings, but not always the bad ones. Tomorrow is another day, the first day of the rest of my life, so I'm going to make it a good one.

Talk to you tomorrow!