December 3, 2009

Another day, some more thoughts

It's times like these, late at night, or early in the morning, however you choose to look at it, that I have time to contemplate and reflect on the events of my life as it is at the moment. Sometimes I'm happy about it, sometimes concerned, other times I'm pretty well apathetic. Never seems to be the same from day to day. Whatever the way, these are the times, when everyone else is asleep, that I really feel like I can think things through, without any outside interference, so this is the ideal time for me to write.

I had something I was going to talk about, something about what happened today, but it seems trivial at the moment to me. I don't even remember now what it was. I had a pretty interesting day, starting with getting up earlier than I normally do the take the children to school, something the shrew does much more often than I do. It was different today in that I wasn't in a grumpy mood, as lack of sleep often will bring forth, I was pretty nice for a change. But that wasn't it. There was something else, something that happened. Oh yeah, now I remember. It was the cops showing up at the front door asking about if someone had dialed 911 by accident. I was the only one home at the time, and I said no, since no one had, and then they asked me if there was a female home, as if I had been abusing her or something, they seemed very accusatory. But right then they called the dispatcher, or whatever it is they have, and found out the number that had been called from was from across the street, and they left. Still rattled my chain a little, because I hate even the thought of someone even thinking that I might even remotely be a wife beater. But anyway, such is life sometimes, they were only doing their job, and I applaud the fact that they take the time to check thoroughly to make sure each call is in fact legitimate.

After that happened the rest of the afternoon was pretty routine in picking up the kids from school and getting them to do their homework, etc, until later on, when I had walked away from my computer for a bit, and then when I came back, I was greeted with a surprise. According to my antivirus program, I had somehow contracted a trojan virus while I was away, and it wanted to know what I wanted to do about it. Now being the experienced computer technician I am, it didn't take me long to realize that it wasn't in fact a trojan, but a case of mistaken identity by my antivirus program. A friend of mine was experiencing the same issues I had at the exact same time, so I suspected a fault in the antivirus' virus definition database file, which had been recently automatically updated. To make a long story short, it turned out to be two different virus programs fighting each other, so I uninstalled one of them, and now everything is ok. Anyhow, other than that, today has been pretty routine.

There are a few other things I want to mention. First I want to say thank you to those of you who left comments on my last post, your empathetic and sympathetic words mean a lot. Having said that, however, I would like to point out that much of my situation at this moment is of my own doing, and while there are things I cannot control, there is a lot that I can control, and I only need to get off my duff and do something about it. Sure I have days, like everyone else, when I just feel down and depressed, and feel like I'm in a hole I just can't climb out of, but most of the time, I choose to not let it get to me, to be happy. Feeling sorry for myself in my opinion is simply counterproductive. The way I usually describe it is that I made this bed, and now I have to lay in it. I was the one who gave the shrew the impression (in the beginning) that I was at her beck and call, and now she expects it to be the case, so in some ways, I can't blame her for how she feels, or how she treats me, I basically conditioned her to be that way. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't feel like a "victim". It's mostly my fault I am in this predicament, so while I very much appreciate the sympathy everyone has shown me, I don't feel I am deserving of it. There are other people's situations I have read about here in blogland wherein they truly have been or are the "victim" so to speak, and I personally know several people that right now are feeling emotional pain caused by no fault of theirs. One in particular who knows who they are will understand when I say I am sorry you are going through this, and I sincerely hope I can be of some help, or comfort, if you will allow me to be. You will always have my ear, and my heart goes out to you.

I hope this post finds everyone well, and I hope to chat with you again tomorrow.


Amanda said...

How interesting with the police visit. That would have really unnerved me! Do you think that you really do have an abusive neighbor? I wouldn't be surprised to find that in my neighborhood, but I do live in the slums of MA.

I am enjoying your blog, it is refreshing to hear from a male Pagan, since many of us blogging about are female (as I have seen so far).

Thanks for adding my button to your blog, I am happy to see it!

As for your relationship to "the shrew", I haven't read your other posts yet so I really do not have much idea what you are talking about, but it sounds a little like what my husband and I go through. He does so much for me everyday, sometimes I come to expect him to continue to do everything. Sometimes I find my self getting agitated when we doesn't do this or that. I have to remind myself that I didn't do those things either. IF your relationship is anything like that I vote that you both have equal responsibility to each other and needs for communication. If that is not what you are talking about, please ignore my previous statement!

Have a nice day!