I don't know

Tonight I feel like I am moving through the middle of the transition of this change that's taking place, you know, the one a lot of people have been feeling lately. The energy of the universe is constantly changing, but at this particular moment, it seems to be a bigger change than "normal".

Right now it feels like the eye of the storm. Nothing really changing, or just subtlety so, but the knowledge that the "rest" of the big shift is on the horizon is very prevalent.

I'm really getting upset about not having a job. Frustrated is probably a better word. Now I don't want to go off on some "oh woe is me" tangent, as that would just do nothing but put everyone in a bad mood, and be counterproductive for me, but I just wanted to put that out there. I just need to try harder, and I'm sure it will happen. At least that's what the cards say. The cards never lie, so for me, I know there is a job in my near future, and I'll be sure to give you all the excruciating details when it happens.

There's not much going on in my mundane world at all right now, other than the usual hustle and bustle of having five kids in the house. I've had a lot of time to think, which in and of itself has been an amazing thing. I've been noticing an increase in my awareness. The "vibes" in a room, the emotional state of someone I'm around, I don't know how to explain it, but it feels like I can "hear" everything. I told you in my last post about a song I found for raising incredible amounts of energy. I have noticed as I have practiced doing it knowing what I was actually doing, it feels different. I have always had my "power" songs, ever since I was a teen. I have always felt that shiver down my spine while listening to one, but now, it's my whole body. I can feel it in my hands, I can really feel the energy, it's an awesome feeling, and so humbling at the same time. It's a feeling of knowing I have been given a gift, and I am honored and privileged to pass it along to others who might need it. I want to heal others, and I want to take negative energy they have and turn it into positive. I hope that no one reading this thinks I'm bat shit crazy now, because this is real. I feel like I was born to be an energy "processing plant", intuitively sensing it, and moving it where it needs to go. That's what a channeler is, right? I plan to meditate on this, and see what the universe has to say about it.

I've also really tried to dive right into my studies on the tarot, trouble is, I haven't got a deck. So I am improvising for the moment with a regular deck of playing cards, and we seem to be getting along well. It's like they understand, and are doing the best they can, just as I am. It is my understanding that it was meant to happen for me this way, to help me to better understand that it's not so much the cards' magic, but my own magickal energy and intuition that is what I'm utilizing. The human condition has always been something I've felt I had a sort of intuition about, somehow I just "know" how things are going to progress, how people feel. I feel like it's a "coming home" of sorts that I started learning about the tarot, like it was what I was meant to do. Not sure where that comes from, but it's a strong feeling I have.

Wait I can't be a channeler AND a tarot card reader can I?

I don't know.

Any ideas anyone?

What if?

I have always been one to look at the world with an open mind, or so I thought. Since I started on my new pagan path, I have been presented with many ideas, principles, and ways of seeing things that I had never even considered. I was astounded at first to find that first of all, they seemed to make so much sense to me, like it was the information I had been looking for all my life, and second, that I had never considered pagan "religions" to have any value, that they were all just a bunch of hoopla from old dead civilizations.

I grew up like many children do, in the Christian belief system, and was taught that the words in the Bible and the lessons taught in church on Sunday were the "only" way to believe. God was the creator, Jesus was his son who came to die for our sins, and heaven and hell were very real places we went to after we died. For the greater part of my childhood, I bought into the system, never questioning the reality that was presented. As I grew older, I did start to see some inconsistencies in the stories, and questioned the existence of so many different denominations in this so called "only" way. I did not, however, take into account that there were other religious beliefs, or rather, that their ideas may in fact be the true "reality" of life and death.

Finally, when I reached the age of 18, and left my parents behind, I started thinking in earnest about what was really going on, and how I fit in to the tapestry of life. The first thing I did was to adopt my own interpretation of what I believed "God" really was. As an avid science fiction fan, the Star Trek series in particular, I became fascinated with a character on the "Next Generation" series named simply "Q". He was presented as a lifeform that had very similar characteristics of "God" as I knew him, omniscience, omnipresence, or in simpler terms, had control of space, matter, and time. However, he appeared looking just like any other human. I began to see similarities between Q and God to the point I uttered for the first time, "What if?"

What if "God" was really just another lifeform in this universe? What if he had decided to present himself as a god simply because at the time, humans did not have the knowledge or technology to understand the possibilities of existence? Humans took until the 15th century to discover the world was in fact round, so how could they comprehend 4000 years before anything as advanced as this being? If he was in fact just another lifeform, then was it possible to believe he did not in fact wish to be worshipped as a god, but rather that humans had decided to do that on their own, and write it into a book? These and many other questions started to swirl about my mind. I finally decided to believe that this "God" was in fact just another being, just higher on the evolutionary scale, and in addition, there were probably more than one, and did not demand worship. This was the belief I subscribed to until only a few months ago. It was still very largely based in the Christian belief system, as I still discounted all other ideas as sheer idiocy.

Now that's not to say I left the "what if's" to religious things only, but for the sake of this particular "rant", I shall restrict my discussion to spiritual ideas.

A little over 3 months ago, a close friend of mine introduced me to her spiritual beliefs, or as she put it, her "path". I respected her position as a sane human being, and I began to read in earnest about all things pagan. To my utter surprise, I found that the very things I had discounted as poppycock and hoopla were a way of life, a life that I wanted to adopt for myself. No "this is the only way", no only one "God" exists, but a world full of energy, love, and connections with all things in the universe. I have so much more to explore, and learn, but now my outlook is full of "what ifs".

Energy is everything, everything is energy. With the proper state of mind, these energies can be felt, seen, and manipulated. Such a universe we live in, for such possibilities to exist, it is simply a wondrous thing. Other beings, all lifeforms, all of creation, all made of energy. My excitement at the knowledge and experience awaiting me is overflowing.

One day all of humanity will be able to join me in this revelation, and also begin to say, "what if?"
What if everything we believe is reality is in fact only a small portion of what really exists? What if everything we can imagine does actually exist on some plane of existence? What if love is the only thing, and everything? For those of you reading that have been on your path for years, perhaps decades, these questions have probably already been answered to some degree, but for me, my eyes have just been opened, and I hope as I travel along MY path, I will find more wondrous things than these, and join with you as a being of light and energy.

Until next time!