December 20, 2009

A Note

I thought I would take a minute and talk about my transformation from Rayden Darklighter to The Stag Warrior.

As you all know, since I have mentioned it on more than a few occasions, I only recently became a pagan. Of course the longer I say that, the less recent it gets. It's been 9 months now, hardly recent. But anyhow, when I first became a pagan, like many, I just HAD to have a "cool" craft name. Now mind you at the time I didn't see it that way, just that I was getting a new name to symbolize my entrance into this new exclusive club of those who work magic. As you can see I had a lot to learn.

Since that time, I have done more and more soul searching, learning about myself, and the things I needed to do to become "me". Before that I was all ego and selfishness. I still have tons to learn, and in my current situation, without the ability to practice as I would like, I will remain a "newbie" on some things for longer than most. I have learned that the person I am is not just a gushy bag of emotion, but a person who has a lot to offer the world at large. I do not give in to my bouts of extreme emotion, I keep them under control, and channel that energy in a productive direction. There is a purpose for me being here, one being my understanding of the human condition. It allows me to really comprehend the intricacies of what it is we are all here doing, as spiritual or energy life forms having a human experience. Every person has a journey they are on, their own personal journey through this life, to learn whatever lessons each chose for themselves while still on the spiritual plane. It is this journey, this condition, that I am now more aware of than ever before in my life.

In my life. Hmpf. Something that means only this form, this existence. As Rayden, I took a lot of time bitching and griping about the others, the people around me on their own journey, and how what they were doing "made" me into what I was. My patron god, Cernunnos, the epitome of warriors, would have none of that. It took me a while, but once I started really listening to the signs around me, I realized that it was not a warrior's way to act as I had been. Warriors get up and do the job they are required and choose to do, without fear, and without excuses. They know the risks, they know the dangers, but they go and do. Even to the point of laying down their own lives so that others may live. So, my name became The Stag Warrior. I chose to leave my prior existence behind, and forge for myself a new path, one not influenced by fears and indecision. I chose to have the courage to accept myself in this body with its advantages and limitations, and to work through the lessons I chose for myself as a spirit, to be a warrior spirit, with the heart of the stag.

This journey has just begun. Along the way there will be obstacles, some of which I have already conquered. There are many that are still in front of me. One step at a time I will take them on, because they are mine to conquer, to overcome, to process through. Mine alone, for this is my journey. Others will walk with me, others will help and guide me, but ultimately, only I can make it to the end. I will then revert back to the spirit that I am, having finally accomplished what I set out to do, in this, my human experience. This time around.

To that end, the first obstacle I must overcome, past my mental state that I touched on in my last post, is to remove myself physically from the situation at hand. It is necessary to do so in order to "move on", but in more mundane terms it is required by the state in which I reside of one who wants a divorce from their spouse to live apart from that spouse for a period of one year. Therefore, I am making plans to do just that. I have neither the capital nor any resources to accomplish this at the present moment, but there are options available to me that I am working on to gain what I need.

In closing, I would like to wish everyone a most blessed Yule, and may you and yours be safe and happy.


Lyon said...

Blessed Yule to you. This is a huge step - and I believe (only from where I am sitting of course, which means I do not have all the info but still) that you are on a strong and good path, heading in the right direction.

It's never going to be easy. But if you need an ear, I am out here, cheering you on.

Ryan Sutton said...

Ah brother, for brother you are... I too am cheering you on. Thank you for reminding me the way of the warrior.